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These Reeb related horoscopes could change your life!Or not.
Once again, you more then likely will get offended here.
Sacco-tarius and Caplee-corn
Sacco-tarius
Nov.23-Dec.21:That thing you've been thinking about all month may or may not happen/come true.(depending if it's a wish or an event) The planets are aligned in just the right way to avoid interfering with one anothers orbit, smashing into each other, and ending all life as we know it. So you're luck is holding out already. When it comes to love this month,; if you hit on a member of the opposite sex, he/or she may like you depending on if you are his/or her type.
Caplee-corn
Dec.22-Jan.20
The time has finally arrived and you are ready, so do it . An old friend of yours will get older this month and possibly more friendly. If you jump out in front of that bus you will get fucked up. When it comes to love this month,; You'll stop playing pogs long enough to notice that you have a crush coming from an unlikely source,then you will go right back to playing pogs. Fucking modernize!
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Aqua-Reeb-us
Aqua-Reeb-us
Jan.21-Feb.18
You might try to be someone that you're not this month to try to gain the attention of a new friend/love interest/retired janitor, but just remember, be yourself unless you're really lame or this pretending to be some one you're not business is working out. If so full steam ahead what they don't know can't hurt them unless they don't know you're throwing a brick.In that case what they don't know may hospitalize them. |
Bob-ces
Bob-ces
Feb.19-Mar 20
You will watch a very entertaining situational comedy and try using one liners from the show in your everyday life.Stop That.You may have an interesting business oppurtunity on your hands this month if you are a gigolo,a mouse herder,falling,or have connections to the mob. Jump on this deal it might not come again for atleast three weeks. As far as love goes this month; Things begin to look very grim butt chin up ( not a mis-spell.Barry Reeb has a butt chin or did we forget that this site is full of Reeb-isms)things will begin to change when you do.
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Baries
March21.-Apr 20
You'll have a lot of motivation,and drive this month with plenty of other abstract concepts. But what good is motivation without the will to get fucked up badly?Your farts don't stink that much this much so go ahead and bear down at the public library or your wedding.As far as love goes this month; This is a month for experimenting with love. New places,new people,new animals,old people,bleeding. Keep your mind and other applicable parts open. |
Tom-us
Apr21.-May 20
Follow your instincts and hit that freckled kid in the face. He won't bother you or take your order any more.Prove someone wrong who tells you a little adventure never hurt anyone by getting in a terrible boating accident right in front of them.
As far as love goes this month; Depending on how well you follow my previous advice you might not need to ever worry about love again...good luck I guess.
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Reynolds(you think of a clever twist on gemini)
May.21-june.21
You find your life getting slightly repeititive. Do something wild to free your self. Like eating a half gallon of frozen pigeon shit,Taking Josh Barton out on a date,inventing a clean burning fossil fuel that almost singlehandedly ends air pollution, or handing a used douchebag/tampon/condom/or coloring book to a figure of authority. I can assure an instant change in the way your life is lived.*
As far as love goes; look for inner beauty and keep telling yourself thats why you date down.
*Don't really take Josh out on a date |
Herpes(get it?)
June.22-July.22
Sharing is very important this month. Not your things their things. How are you going to get anything done if a ll your stuff is separated to the far wings and the farther winds? Bring your friends things closer make them share.A friend will have an interesting propostition for you this month, make sure you check with your doctor to see what you're allergic to and GO FOR IT!As far as love goes this month; you could very well meet your spouse to be in the third aisle of a chain supermarket. For those risktakers try the sixth aisle, and those of you with a death wish...aisle eight.
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Reebo
July.23-Aug.23
You've had a lot of stress lately and depending how well you handle that stresss you may or may not end up in a coma. Remember you don't always have to be in control, it just feels better. When a new crush walks in the door when you need to leave wait for your crush to leave the doorway and walk past them.As far as love this month; How does the word spacial dissonance grab you? |
Virginbarton
Aug.24-Sept.22
You will come in contact with something you will never forget. And thirteen things you will forget almost instantly.Some last minute mind changes could get you out of some trouble if you plan on going over a waterfall in a barrel.You will most definately be spending some time on the internet this month at a lame web-site.(Not this one)As far as love this month; A gunfight is not an interesting place to meet people.For your more suttle mate try something like a knife fight. You might spend the rest of your life with this person depending on how well they handle a gun/knife.
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Reebra
Sept.23-Oct.23
You may want to rethink your attitude this month judging by the moon. The moon don't take no shit from nobody so watch your back. You need to be calm this month over exciting your self could lead to any thing from higher blood pressure to a full blown erection.As far as love this month;isn't the possibility of a full blown erection testament enough to the excite ment you can find in the alley behind the local bakery? |
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Ruffio
Oct.24-Nov.22
This month ,according to the clouds, your troubles will vanish in a flash in the off chance you are struck by a stray bolt of lightning. If not your troubles will keep mounting until you do something about them or something happens to erase them. This is the month for you to join a progressive rock band or make a fine statue. You will find ineffable focus in any crossword puzzle venture you undertake this month. As far as love goes this month; I can’t seem to predict any thing solid due mostly to the fact that I spent the last few hours writing up lame horoscopes and am sleep deprived . These things don’t write themselves but I bet they’d be funnier if we could somehow employ the infinite monkey theory.
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